"Life is a balance of holding on and letting go" I totally stole this quote from Keith Urban. As a ginormous Keith Urban fan, I will relate a ton of things back to him. Even my nickname for my horrible ex, Stupid Boy. The lyrics to Stupid Boy, fit perfectly to what he is and what he was to me. And as for the quote, I try really hard in life to live by it. To hold onto somethings and let some things go. So this brings me to why I'm in a pickle right now.
Stupid boy and I have been broken up for about 2 years. Ok, that's 2 years. March of 2007, he ended it w/ me claiming reasons why he didn't want to be w/ me. In the fall of 2006 he had broken up w/ me 23 times probably. Ok, I get the hint, he isn't into me. After we broke up in the spring, I looked back on our relationship and realized he was and asshole. A tried and true ASSHOLE. You would think w/ him being the one to break up w/ me, he would leave me alone. Nope. Not the case at all. From then on, he proceeded to drunk dial me every weekend. Email me. You name it, he bothered me. He wasn't nice when he bothered me either, he called me names like "you stupid bitch" (wait he was the one who dumped me right? RIGHT!) and so fourth. A year ago I will sadly admit I thought to give him another chance. Though w/ family and friends I realized that it was a huge mistake. He had thought it would be a good idea to email me. I let him have it, I ripped into him and told him to never talk to me again, blah blah, he was scum, and so on. Of course he wrote right back (dude did you not just see what I wrote to you?) while over the last year, contact from him as been minimal, there has still been contact. His cousin called me and wanted to know if I wanted to come out for his birthday. Really Beth? You think I would want to come out for his birthday. Ummmm hell to the NO! Then in the Fall, I so luckily ran into him at a Badger football game (he was on the side of the road making out w/ some chick too!). Where he was drunk and then walked by me at least 10 times glaring at me. And of course that made him think it would be a really good idea to call me and talk to me. He called me about 5 times that night wanted to talk. I didn't pick up my phone. Then on a random October night, I get a text from him saying "hi Boo (his old nickname for me) how are you?" And again, what the fk? Why are you contacting me?????? While, sure it's a bit flattering that someone loves me this much, it's a tad bit annoying. That was the last I had heard from him. You would think, my life would be simple now huh? Nope.
My dilemma right now is....during the time stupid boy and I had been together, he had introduced me to his friends. They were amazing people (don't know why they found such a douche bag like him) They were the cutest couple and just a few weeks ago they got married. While I haven't talked to his friends in a while (they moved to Texas and now are back) they were aware of what he had done/did to me. They agreed he was a moron. Last week, I invited them to Bockfest, this awesome beer festival. Then they invited me to their wedding reception that was going to be a casual event here. Of course on the guest list is stupid boy. When I got the invite, he hasn't RSVPED yet to it. I sat there staring at the guest list. I couldn't RSVP just yet. I consulted a ton of my friends and asked them what to do. Some said go, some said don't go. The main reason I don't go is because I don't want him to start to contact me again. Anytime he sees me, he feels the need to contact me. I don't want that. But then part of me sits there and thinks, why he is still controlling my life after 2 years? It's been 2 years, if I want to go to a mutual friends wedding reception, I shouldn't have to sit there and think about and worry about him being there. But that's the reality of it. I do have to worry. On Friday they had sent another evite thing reminding people they needed a head count. And there on the part that says who is coming. Stupid boy wrote "yes, I wouldn't miss it for the world. +1" Sooo he is coming and he is bringing someone. Great. I have no one. I could bring my friend Louise, she said she is more than willing to come with me. But then my girl brain took over and thought to invite The Marine. This fine guy I dated, but then soon turned into a booty call. While him and I aren't in contact all the time, we will text once in a great while to see what's up. Visions of me and the Marine walking into the reception together made me happy. The Marine is a fine guy. Damn good looking. But am I only going to spite Stupid Boy? I don't know. If he wasn't going to be there, I'd go and bring Louise since I won't know anyone there but the couple and Stupid Boy. But he is going to be there. I'm stuck. I did already put that I was going. But I think I should not go. I need to not see him. And ironically the wedding reception is on our 2 year anniversary of being broke up.
I dunno what to do.........Life is a balance of holding on and letting go. Sigh.