Sunday, July 12, 2009

I don't know what to think/do anymore...

I'll admit it. I'm a sucker for those dating self help books. The ones like "He's just not that into you" or "Why men love bitches" or my latest that is sitting right next to my bed "Act like a lady, think like a man" The number one reason I choose these books is simply because I don't know what to think/do anymore when it comes to dating.

If you look back at my history of dating dumb idiots. But am I the idiot? Am I supposed to follow these books step by step? Some say this, some say do that. It leaves me second guessing everything I do now a days. Which leaves me frustrated and unsure and makes me analyze the situation that much more. Am what I doing in this dating world normal?

I look at some people I know who have never had a problem dating. They meet. Fall in love. Get married. End of story.

Whoa. That's not how it happens in the Andrea story at all. It usually goes something like this: Meet potential guy. Guy seems semi normal. Guy is semi normal up until a point. Guy then does something usually shady to Andrea. Andrea then questions everything because basically every guy in Andrea's past has done something similar and is wondering if she will get duped again by shady stupid guy. Guy then proves all guys are scum bags. End of story. And then the vicious cycle happens again and again.

I then look at the books that I study and say "of course, in this books it points out the obvious signs of why he wasn't into me" Too bad I didn't read the book first and that way I could have gotten rid of the idiot prior to him making a fool of myself.

So case in point. Right now, M is for surely out of my life. Quick story short, by being bored at work I found out he is married and getting a divorce. Yes, getting a divorce is a good step, but being still married and him NOT mentioning it, even while one night he mentioned to me he was at the age of 19 thisclose to getting married. Ok so at 19 you were close to getting married, but by my detective work, I found out you ARE married. Awesome. But do you know what's really really really annoying me, besides the whole marriage thing? I called him Wednesday night a wee bit intoxicated. He did not return my phone call. I then called him Friday night due to school related stuff and when I asked, why he didn't return my phone call from Wednesday night, he said he never had a call from me. I then think to myself in the book "He's just not that into you" and realize, it's the year 2009 and M has an iphone. He didn't get my phone call? Riiiiiiiiight. Unless you live out by where my parents live and they don't get any cell phone reception, then sure I'll believe ya, but dude, I ain't buying it. Oh, and of course I then called him last night to thank him for school related things and he didn't call me back. But then that makes me question myself wondering if I scared him away by calling him to much. Again, since those books I read normally say "don't call a guy blah blah blah" I automatically think I'm the annoying one here and it's my fault.

And now I sit here questioning CBB's recent actions and in my head going through a timeline of everything and anything he has said/did since the last time I saw him. While a normal girl would not worry about CBB right now, I sit here and think in the back of my mind "he is just dragging me along for the ride and about to drop me at any second" It's like I'm trying to brace myself for the worst action possible, so I come to think of the worse case scenario. Welcome to my brain. Yes, telling me to just stop worrying would be awesome if I could just do exactly that.

Am I to blame in these failing relationships? Is it my fault? Is it the stupid shady guys fault? Should I throw out all and every dating book I have? (though not the one next to my bed, that's the libraries book and they aren't to fond of you throwing out their books and I'm not fond of paying a fine)

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