I know I haven't been updating this with much lately, probably because I haven't been on any first dates (well I did Sunday, we will get more into that later) I had been hanging out Kurt lately and I thought things were going pretty good, no wedding plans by any means (thank god, I did that once w/ an ex boyfriend...lame) but we talked on the phone a bit and hung out, with what I thought was a good time.
Then my intuition kicked in. I have my share of over thinking/worrying issues I'm well aware of. But with Kurt at first, I wasn't worried. He called when he said he would and made plans to do things. It felt nice to not be freaking out like my normal self. I finally felt like my worries had gone far far far away. Well they came back, and ya know, I should listen to my gut. The gut tells all.
I had hung out w/ Kurt last Saturday night. I thought things went well. Lots of cute flirty things, followed by just hanging out and talking. What's not to like about a cool casual date like this? We painted ceramics and cooked dinner together. Recipe for a nice night. And it was.....
We had plans for Monday night to go to the Taproot concert. On Saturday when we had hung out, Kurt had started to cough a bit and you could tell he was sick. So Monday afternoon he called to cancel w/ me since he was sick. I knew he was sick so it's not like he was making it up by any means. After I got off the phone w/ him, I all of a sudden felt that something wasn't right. I had my instant thought in my head (that I haven't had in quite some time) I thought "He hates me" I then voiced my concerns w/ some dear friends about it and they all agreed I was crazy and he was sick and that's why he cancelled. Ok, fine. He is sick, but again, something just didn't feel right. I kept thinking he doesn't like me, I came on to strong for him, yada yada yada. I tried tucking away those thoughts and tried thinking of the positives of the last few dates we had.
Tuesday came around and I thought to myself that I should text him and see how he was feeling. But right away my gut reaction told me not to. And I listened and didn't bother texting him.
Today at work one of my buddies Jay offered me 4 Packers tickets. Umm hi. awesome. I immediately think to invite Kurt. He leaves his phone off during the day, so I left him a voicemail all giddy and excited. (Who wouldn't be this freaking excited for 4 Packers tickets?!?!?!?) I even went as far as to tell my cousin who works w/ him to have him check his voicemail ASAP and invited her to the game too! So of course, the one time I get up to go pee at work and leave my phone at my desk, Kurt calls me. He leaves me a voicemail saying he got my message, but he wanted to talk to me about something. Ummmm "talk to me about something" is normally code word for "yeah...this isn't good news" I of course went into freak out mode again and concluded that he hated me. Again I tried reassuring myself that he didn't. But something just didn't feel right. (what's even more creeping is that when I missed his phone call I even envisioned him ending it with me) All day long my head was full of negative thoughts. I had to go to school too, and was stuck in the most boring class ever, so again my mind was just running. I got done w/ school and went to the grocery store to get some delish chicken. I settled in to my couch when I got home and called him. His phone was still off so I just left a voicemail. About 10min later I called my cousin Betsy to rattle off my insane thoughts of "he doesn't like me" blah blah blah. While I was on the phone w/ her, Kurt called me. I switched over to him and starting talking. We made small talk about him not feeling good and what not. For like two seconds I thought, maybe I was wrong. Nope. I then asked, so, what's new? And there was that dreaded silence. The one you know something is up. I'm like, so are ya gonna come to the Packer game on Sunday then? He right away says no, he isn't able to make it. Me being the smart ass and already figuring something was up says "Why? Or do I not even want to know?"
He then says "Well you are a great girl (yes, I know this is true) but I just didn't feel a connection w/ you on Saturday and I can't go to the game w/ you knowing I don't feel anything. Blah blah blah. It was fun hanging out. blah blah blah. Maybe we can be friends."
I think I said "ok" about 4 million times before I said, "Well I gotta get going now, talk to you later"
Blah. I know he isn't a jerk like the Marine or any of the other guys who just don't call me back. Yes, I'm glad I found out now, he was honest, yada yada yada. He wasn't a bad guy and I don't want to rip on him. If you don't feel a connection, you don't feel a connection. No point in forcing it. But, it just sucks. It sucks. I hate this feeling. It's a sucky balls situation and I'm bummed. I felt something, but he didn't.
I am SO grateful for my friends tonight who listened to me cry (yeah, yeah I cried, I cry at the drop of a hat) My friends ROCK. I puffy heart you girls!!!!!!!
So, I guess I'm back to square one at this point.
Lesson of the day ladies:
Follow your gut. For reals.